show me the way ;

Monday, August 27, 2007

~ 3:51 AM ~

Sunday, July 16, 2006

"look for someone who will light the candles, not curse the darkness"

another week. another luggage of worries.

trying to travel light, but i cant. always getting involved in what doesnt concern me. being at the wrong place at the wrong time. saying the right thing at the wrong time. lost. confused. HELPLESS.

i know where i need to be, but yet is that where i really wanna go to? calling at one place, heart at another. can i ever give my best in whatever i do. once i felt torn in between. trying to mend the scars, stich it back. yet it seems on one side another split is opening. i really dont wanna go for CG anymore, because the more i do, the more i feel torn i between.

isnt it ironic? coming here to escape reality just to find it again.

dont know where i should really go now. i thought i had it all figured out, guess i thought wrong now. i cant possibly be at two places at one time. tugging at both sides, where should i go. neither left nor right. i will walk straight to find You.

i know you guys mean it jokingly whenever you say it, but i take it seriously. two on one side, three on the other. i feel lost in between, not even wanting to have to choose between both. seriously, im just another person. whats so special about me? nothing, i feel like i will only cause more trouble. you guys know how i feel, and honestly speaking, i dont want to have that feeling here again. i just want a happy friendship with ALL of you, without having to ever CHOOSE.

[to the one who owes me waffles]
it's really been great knowing you and all. like i said i have so many things to say to you, mainly because im really inspired by your faith in God. so many things has happened in your life, but yet you are still standing strong for the Lord. and i really want to be like you, to have that faith that He will carry me through. you really have been an encouragement to me, and i hope i will be so too. whatever happens, always know that He will be there to carry us through. whatever we have experienced, God has exprienced ten-fold. He even knows what its like to lose a loved one, because He gave His only Son to die for all of us. amazing grace, that He would die for sinners such as us. He really understands ya. run on for Him..forever.

[to the one who lent me his PS2]
i still remember the first time we met. you were calling me to join your team for floorball but i was rather reluctant. as time passed i came to know about a different side of you, one that is so similar to mine. and sometimes i feel that you can relate to whatever i am feeling, and i really appreciate your effort in trying to reach out to me. but somehow probably i just sense so much more in your heart, so many more things that are bothering you. and brother i just wanna let you know that i will always be here to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. and He will always be here to carry us through. never forget that.

[to the one who made me feel welcome in church]
well i see you everyday in school..from the first impression i had of you, you have truely proven me wrong. i see you so on fire for God that sometimes i reflect back on my life and im wondering what im doing. i see Him radiating in your life, with your constant smile and cheerfulness, you never fail to cheer me up when im down. i see how God has used you in His church, the joy and encouragement you bring to other people. your openess and jovial character. and i really thank the Lord that i came to know you. really thank you for all the encouragement and relief you've given me. thank you for everything.

[to the one whom i always play table-tennis with]
thanks to you i can say my skills have improved considerably!! that aside, i really have to say again that im really proud of you. how God has changed and shaped you within this short time, even with a construction of a Christian blog. i really appreciate you efforts in reaching out to eddie, as well as being a good friend who is always there for me. i see you more God-like, and that is just a testimony of how God has changed you into a better person, a real example that He shaped us into something more beautiful. my prayer for you is that you will continually turn to Him in times of desperation and need, and not succumb to peer pressure. the devil is always there to try to pry us away from God, and i pray that ou will stand firm in times of testing and trial. live for Him and shine for Him. burn on brother.

[to the one whom i was always at loggerheads with]
like i said so many times i never imagined i would share this type of friendship with you before in my life. nonetheless im happy that God has put you back in my life. im really encouraged by your devotion in calling eddie down to church all the time, and your determination. i know sometimes you might feel wierd about it, like sending out wrong messages, but dont worry. i am sure God will use you mightily especially in the world. pray that you will never ever forget what your first experience in sawa was like, never let that fire die down. so many people out there need to hear the Good News. let us who can go, give them the gift that our loving Father has given us. go and touch the world.

[to the one whom i really pray for salvation]
it has been a miracle all the time with you around. i guess you dont know this, but we have all been witnessing a miracle, a miracle so close, a miracle which is you. from the once stubborn and obstinate guy i known, you've really grown into someone more than that person i once knew. im really happy to see you in church and one day i hope i can be serving alongside you. but i just want you to know that its your choice. to accept Him, or not, its all your choice. like i said before, no strings attached. but im really proud of you, especailly standing up for your friends and just being there for me. thank you so much..

guys, im really encouraged by ALL of you. maybe you dont realise it, but i dont think i have ever been happier in my life. just hanging out brings a smile to my face. its your presence and encouragement that spurs me on. seeing how God has worked in your life, how on fire you are for Him, i never ever want to see that disappear.

stay strong.
run on.
and finish strong...

together.

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im thinking of what to tag, but im lost for words. speechless.

reminiscing has always been a favourite hobby of mine, especially at night when all is quiet. reading this post way back, somewhere inside something is stirring. out of 6, i've totally lost contact with 1, and for the rest, its been so hard to keep in contact. maybe its all cause we've moved up to higher educations and suddenly caught up in a flurry of work, time has been so scarce to meet up regularly. sometimes, i execrate myself for being shy and not talking much when we meet these days. i miss those times that i once shared with you guys, those nights studying in church, those late dinners and suppers at the coffeeshop, dozens of floorball games, basketball matches with mervin and benn, table tennis in cana hall, having CG together, going out together just to catch a movie, lucille's surprise birthday meeting in the wee hours of the morning, that world cup stay over at yongling's house, jogging outside church with eddie, those hilarious moments with sarah, waffles with yongling, that day of aimless bus rides in singapore with eddie and lucille, praying together with all of you, trying to get eddie to come down to church, all those pastamania dinners we always have in causeway point..

suddenly all these seems like memories, faded and embossed in thoughts. there's really nothing i wouldnt give to relieve those times and depth of friendship, yet it seems too far back in the past. true, i've managed to somewhat integrate myself in YZ, but i also dont want to lose you people. though last year, trying and implacable, it was the year where i can truly say i really did enjoy myself, and for that time, i feel accepted and loved. now everything seems to have gone haywire, and somehow i think i could have prevented it in a way or so. pairs of us, each in an institution. and even then, everything feels so distant..
we're in the same school, yet SOOO distant from each other
im becoming more reticent.

i miss ALL of you. i really do.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

~ 2:14 AM ~

im officially mesmerized and enthralled but Kotaro Oshio's rendition of "Last Christmas"! it sounds really captivating and ethereal and i dont think i heard any nicer instrumental. the slap harmonics are gonna be remarkably hard for me i suppose..cosidering the only piece i ever "slapped" for was "More Than Words". the only thing is now to find the tabs...the internet doesnt seem to have it. and graham is only 35% done with it.

next on my list to learn(: [although im still not done with mariage d amour...]