Sunday, January 28, 2007
~ 11:44 PM ~
its really becoming a cliche this generation to hear this phrase: "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!"
like i said before, maybe if we look closely at the lives at others, we are not so different after all. problems of different magnitudes, problems of different sources, problems with different matters. be it problems of any sort, they are still rather generic arent they?
relationship problems?
friendship problems?
spiritual problems?
educational problems?
stress-related problems?
familial problems?
been there? great for you! i have just one thing to say..
SO HAVE MANY OTHERS BEFORE YOU!
so many a times we always think we're alone in this struggle. always searching for a way out. no one has answers. no one can help. so where do we turn to? self-abuse. suicide. death. really people, if you can start seeing things in a different light, that so many others out there, be it children, youths, adults, they are face the same problems too. maybe to different extents, but essentially still the same problems. recovering from a heart-ache? have you not friends who have endured having their hearts ripped to shreds too? feeling like your parents dont understand you or your intentions? are there not others who come from divorced families? just had a fallen out with your friend? which friendship bond doesnt require to go through the test of time? ARE YOU REALLY ALONE IN ALL THESE?
its amazing (and saddening) to see people complain everywhere they go. they whine and groan, complaining how life is so unfair to them, cursing the plights they are in and wishing they had never been born? im no innocent man myself too. i used to blog about how no one can ever understand me. look back at all my entries. how i am so confounded that people treat matters of the heart so lightly. how i constantly whine of this undying and unrequited love. how no one can ever understand what loneliness means.
until you come to a stage where you can face your problems head on, you might as well spend the rest of your life crying over split milk, never able to recover from what has happened before.
do you not see that we only grow through this trials and struggles thrown along your way? do you not see that all these problems can and will shape you into a better person? i cant imagine being born with a silver spoon in my mouth, having someone to always do everything for me, being so sheltered and protected. saying this really is so ironic.
as youths we always clamour for freedom. the freedom to go out as and when we please, to do what we want with no parental constrictions. we want absolute freedom to be thrown in our way. yet when we get it, we complain of the world being too dirty and unfair, of how hard it is to survive in the real world. our problems never ever ends, instead we only get tossed into a never-ending cycle of grief and hurt. there is no hard and fast rule to solve all your problems. they all come by experience, and only through experience do you learn how to go through each phase of life.
looking back at last year, i really thank God for everything that has happened. from things that i thought could have no good end, He displays His redeeming grace to makie new everything, conclude it in much better ways than we first dreamt of. Indeed God has been so faithful to His promises for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future. and in Him, i have found His compassion and love.
and maybe when we realise that we are not alone, can we open ourselves to others and share. mind you, i say all these but yet i have still learnt to understand that there are people like me. i always think that no one could fully comprehend the meaning of loneliness, but yet as i screen through blogs, i sometimes empathise with them and only wish they could understand that God understands..born to earth as a man, not in a high-class residence but in a lowly manger. worked as a carpenter and despised by others.he wasnt blessed with fantastically good looks i believe, neither did he have an eloquent tongue or a sophisticated hand. called a fool by his family and doubted by his disciples. mocked in His ministry, even crucified by the very people He had come to save. think you're alone, think again.
jesus has walked that path before..
on loneliness, something im so well versed with, many fail to realise its actually a gift. i enjoy being alone, but sometimes in groups it can really be extremely hurting to feel so out of place, with no one to share with or confide in. thats me. yet i always remind myself to stop and be prayerful in actions and deeds. its only when we are alone that we can fully devote spending time with the Lord. its only when we are alone can we understand how He felt in His ministry. its only when we are alone can we draw closer to Him. these i learnt from my time being alone, spared from all the hustle and bustle of friendship sometimes, to STOP, and LOOK up to Him, before i GO. though being lonely isnt exactly fun, that i admit, btu it really helps at times. well its an in-built thing for me..thats why im special(: not that im dissuading friendship or anything, its really good to have a few people you can really trust for support in everything (whom i am still searching for), but being lonely can have its perks.
maybe my life is one to be spent alone after all..
and just before you start accusing me of being a pro-anti-socialst (something i would like to consider myslef though), or throw me something like "you really dont understand me", can we as youths at least come to a consensus that we stop using such negative connotations like a "human dart board", "i cannot take it anymore", "feel like killing myself",...actually i can fill this whole post with all those phrases, but well i suppose you get my drift. i really hate (yes the word is hate, not dislike or disapprove) people who always blog about killing themselves and stuff like that. i mean if you can even be reading this, you are so much more fortunate than million others. not that my post will definitely help you, but at least you have a computer, so you cant be that worse off right?
i wouldnt want to see half the population gone even before we step up in the world.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
~ 6:12 PM ~
was reading a book today before core meeting (which lasted for a continuous 4 hours!!) about relationships. dont ask why that topic again, because one, that is my weakest area, and i gotta learn how to deal with relationships and emotions; and two, i gotta start preparing for courtship. never too early to be prepared, and it can really help a great deal in your future courtship.
those 10 minutes of silent reading, really taught me a valuable life lesson, not one that i would be forgetting anytime soon. and whatever i may say, to anyone who may be reading this, i hope that it will impact you as much as it did me, especially for those who struggles with relationships and the like.
and its really effective that even reading many other books, this message gripped me so strongly to let go of a 4 year persistance(:
letting God write your love story isnt exactly easy. in fact, i would say its one of the hardest thing to do. i can willingly give every area of my life to Him, letting Him take control of areas i need help in. everything except my love life. we try by all ways to compromise, yet no matter how good we can perceive a relationship to be, it will always fall short of God's standards. we were never meant to be in charge of our own love story.
the question is that are you willing to let God write your love story? think about it. its not as simple as just something you can so easily give up. honestly said, you may claim to let God have control but just look carefully, and im sure you will find many situations whereby you compromised your standards. its not about letting God be JUST ANOTHER crew on your love boat. its not about the assurance of His presence that you can do WHATEVER you want. its not about giving Him the parts of the ship ship, but you are still comandeering the vessel.
its about giving Him the entire ship; deck, steer and even the Captains Quarters. no questions asked.
now think about that. can you really do that? can you live with it that you have absolutely no control over what goes on in your love life? i know i cant, yet i know His perfect and pleasing will for me, plans not to harm me but for me to prosper. to that extent, im sure you know what i mean, but it is still so hard to let go of it.
i personally believe that God has already set someone aside for me, strictly for me alone. and like many people, i have rather high standards. save the obvious "she must be a christian" and "she must support me in the area os missions", i think i would like my future spouse to be pure, in a sense that i know that she has reserved herself for me, and i leave you to figure out what that means.
if God's plan and purpose for me is really marriage, then she is probably already out there actually doing something. sometimes i cant help wondering if i have already met her. have YOU thought about that already? that the person you will one day marry is actually wandering somewhere?! and if you have thought of that, wouldnt you be imagining what they are doing at the current moment?
i know i do. and the very last thing i would want to see her be doing is going out with another guy! i could almost picture her making out with somebody else other than me! and it can be kinda freaky to an extent.
on a personal level, if you desire purity in your spouse, how much more would you think he/she would desire purity in you? i had always wanted my future wife to "do me the favour of staying pure, give me a little respect, and prove to me that i am the love of her life. i was hungering for the 'beautiful side of love', but i never realised that i would find it when i started to focus on the way i lived and loved, not just on the way she lived and loved. and that i would find it, when i finally focused on honuring her before we met even if she never considered honouring me in return."
everytime you fall for someone, you give part of your heart away to that person.
how many times are you going to give your heart away before you get married?
how much of your heart will there be left for your future spouse?
is there even going to be anything left at all?
will you end up with a misconception about the oppsite sex after all the breakups?
can you come clean about your past with your spouse?
would you have regretted giving pieces of your heart away?
will love even hold any meaning?
think about those 7 questions. if that is what you are going through in your life, maybe you should reconsider whatever you are doing. just as you may desire purity in him/her, i am certain he/she will desire the same extent of purity within you. imagine if your could have a glimpse of your spouse now, and caught them making out at some club, hw would you feel? i know how i would: just like any normal human would, crying because her affection was being given to someone else.
what if the Messiah who went through all the torture, died hanging naked on the cross and bore all the humiliation, saw you in whatever state you are in. what if He found out that He died for you so you could just enjoy life as it is.
will He have wet eyes as He watches you live your life, the life that He died to set you free from?
i have a covenant with God since i was young. i always thought kisses were icky and gross, but as i grew older, i started viewing a kiss as something passionate, and act that somewhat lets you express your love and passion. to admit, i came so close to giving my first kiss away once. so close..and as i look back i really thank God that i didnt. i want my first kiss to be special, i want my first to be given to my wife at the altar. and its stricty a covenant between me, my wife and God. the first ever kiss i will give away (to another girl besides my mom) will be at the altar.
i want it to be something special for her..
say its far-fetched. say its crazy. say whatever you want, but that doesnt leave any room for me to compromise my purity. and i hope that you will take up the same promise to..not for me, not for anyone, but solely for the person whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
to the guys, i can say give her your heart, mind and body now! its easy to run around from one shallow relationship to the next, meeting your selfish desires. but it takes as real man, a real lover, to keep one woman satisfied for life. and when you do that,, God will seal your marriage with abounding grace and agape love, a faithful union to the end of times, sanctified with His glory and consent.
to many of my friends who i know are going through storms in this area of life, i want to assure you that dont worry, you are not alone. i guess its natural for teens to go through that phase. whatever you are doing now, search through them and ask if its edifying. i only hope that our God of grace will bring you out. always know that you can cast your cares upon Him.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
~ 3:49 AM ~
i have to make sure i never stay up this late alone at night. thats when all the thoughts and randomness comes spewing out.
just got off a near 2 hour conversation on msn. a few things come to mind..not surprising at all. its would be bliss if i could stop thinking for a minute. dont mind me if i spout rubbish, its really late/early and i can be quite disorientated..
why do people like to think of suicidal thoughts? christians especially, should never ever think of such things. when you accepted Jesus in your heart, you invited Him to stay in you, and killing yourself would be the equivalent of killing Him!! why find more reasons to atone for whatever wrong-doings you have commited? do you really think that the blood of Christ is not redeeming enough to cleanse you of your sins? do you think that self-abuse can result in sanctification?
why do others often mis-interpret your intentions? its been almost 3 weeks now, and nothing seems to have been resolved still. left wondering whatever went on, and whether it can be resolved now. many always come with good intentions, only to leave discouraged and shattered. maybe it was better if i kept my mouth shut in the first place..actually, no i dont really think its my fault. is it wrong to stand up for your actions? if you know me well enough, i will strongly stand up and retaliate for what i believe in. maybe its just that you dont know me that well after all.
in a world where purity is being degraded so rapidly, will there come a time where we live for the moment, doing as and what we please?
im no superman, just another human being, with emotions and feelings. just another human raised up for His glory. where is the wrong in that?
if only one knew how exhausting it can be to be battling on two fronts: one; the vices of this sinful world, two; the inescapable reality of the persecutions everywhere.
