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Monday, July 24, 2006
~ 12:17 AM ~
the back-row.

the area so densely populated. new-comers. fresh faces. sleeping patrons. people who are partly-oblivious to the Word of God.

why sould the people in the front row hear the Word of God twice, when the people in the back-row hasnt even heard of it once? third-world countries, tribal locations in the jungles, beggars on the street etc..

the back-row.

thats where i want to be. reach out. welcome the visitors. talk to the. make them feel at home. radiate the love of Christ. yet at the same time people think im anti-social. maybe i am.

i admit i was, but im trying to change. its not easy, and that aspect of my character is still rather prominent in me. to a certain extent its good, coz it gives me more space to breathe and think about things, but than again i push people away. an invisible sphere with no way to breakthrough. im trying, but it takes time..

sarah and lucille, thank you for sitting beside me during service, but honestly speaking i would like to be alone. im one who gets distracted very easily, and somehow i cannot keep my focus for long. something i learnt 4 years ago on my first mission trip. a stranger among a group of 15 youths. but i think through that i was really able to see much more, coz my focus was not on my friends, but for the purpose in being there. i appreciate the company, but i feel closer to God when im alone. when there are no distractions and i can fully concentrate on Him. at the same time, welcome those around me.

im not being anti-social. im just being me.

so many problems on my hand. the list just keeps piling up. not that im complaining or anything, to the contrary i love doing all this, but somehow i just feel like i need a break. eddie, wanda, jonathan, james, ronald..and so the list keeps adding. over-commitment, not being able to give my 100% in what i do, thats my biggest worry. toss in schoolwork and my home church. a mist of confusion and pressure just waiting to explode. can i supress it?

yet i jut want to have that one extra problem in my life. that problem of dealing with my friend's problems. encouraging and comforting them. i see how close-knitted you people are, and i want to feel that too, be a part of it. i will just say it out directly, im not ashamed to admit, i dont have many friends. my anti-social attitude people think i have, sometimes the over-enthusiasm and irritating me when i try to know someone better, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and even because i have a different personality than most youths in this generation. thinking about things which are of absolutely no concern to me at all, the kill-joy and serious perception. im not gonna change that, coz that's who i really am.

but than again what if things were different?

seems everytime i want to blog is a time when there are too many things on my mind. this blog basically serves as an oulet where i can just rant and scream. not my intended purpose though..i wanna reach out to the world, that it will set them thinking about Christ. that is what i want to do. but until im emotional stable, i guess this blog will just have to serve as an outlet for my frustrations..

that aside, i hear so many people saying the same thing. with a more secure and stable life, does it necessarily mean that we are too sheltered to bear the spoils of reality that awiats us? i guess we have even more things to worry about, experiencing more than what we need to, more than what we can bear.

"no one understands"..such a common phrase. a pick-up line to catch people's attention. everybody's saying it..but look deep down inside.
what are you struggling with?
what am i struggling with?
what are we struggling with?
look deep down inside and you'll find maybe we aren't so different after all.
maybe we're experiencing the same things..

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18

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about me


daryl chew
seventeen and counting
07021990
bpghs volleyball alumni
child of God
missionary in making
acts 20:22-24
youthz.aflame@gmail.com [msn]
youthz_aflame@yahoo.com [email]

youth zone


we delight in the Lord Jesus
choosing to serve Him as a family
assisting people to find freedom in Christ
building them up to help change the world

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full-time missionary for Christ
get my directions right

true way presbyterian church

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doulos stint
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eddie's salvation
raise up a generation of God-fearing youths
world-wide salvation and revival

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