the stay-over at yongling's house was a really wonderful experience. we shared about so much and not to mention the fellowship :)

reached her house at around 11pm. benn was not there yet, due to some rashes on his thighs. at first sarah and yongling on the computer, then they went to watch some sort of police drama on channel 55. so i took over the computer..haha. talked with caleb over msn, about crap and the italy-czech match. we talked like commentating on the match, and about the girls wanting to share and stuff. he warned me not to, coz they would get super emotional and start crying. haha i actually believed him la, they tried my best to avoid the sharing. checked the world cup scores, the most recent match being ghana-usa match. ghana won 2-1, scoring at the 23 and 47 min, and usa in the 43 min. i remembered the match facts then went back out to watch the italy-czech match. italy won 2-0 in the end, and benn arrived. we started looking through tons of pictures in yongling's computer, all the camp pics and stuff. took quite a while then we went to eat the sandwiches benn bought from 7-eleven. again as usual, we sat down there pushing the "honour" of saying grace to each other. in the end i kena. said grace and started eating while watching the ghana-usa match. it was a replay, but apparently they didnt know it. i predicted the scoreline, and who will socre at the precise time. waited till the 21 min, we all got engaged in the match. kept reminding them of my predictions..haha.

22 min, ghana made an effort but usa got possesion of the ball. sarah was happy, coz only 30 seconds left beforethe 23 min. suddenly ghana regained possesion and started their counter-attack..and they scored!! man the look on their faces when ghana scored was priceless. all nothing to say, only that i am freaky for being able to predict the score. i had such a good laugh la!! we didnt catch the remainder of the match. went into yongling's room for a time of sharing and prayer.

sat in a circle and closed the door. sarah kept complaining that it was humid, so we kept pushing the fan in her direction. benn shared about a passage in john 21:15-17. it was about Jesus telling Peter to tend His sheeps. benn dhared that we should all obey His instructions to tend for His sheeps and lambs, the people around us. the command for missions and evangelism, as well as follow up. talked lots about other stuff, such as our first impressions of one another. and suprisingly, yongling benn and me had the same first impression of sarah!! wont say what it was, but kinda funny coz we all had the same conception.

shared more until 3, then we prayed for 30 mins. for eddie, our individual selfs and all our prayer needs. it was really affirming and i could feel God's presence in the room. what a wonderful feeling that was..the soothing aura and calmness. perfectly at peace.

by the time we went out to watch the brazil match, it was already 25 mins underway. whenever anyone scored a goal, yongling benn and me would try to be as quiet as possible coz yongling's mom was sleeping. we hardly made any noise. only sarah was stamping her feet in excitement when a goal was scored la!! super hilarious, then we had to keep reminding her to keep quiet..

called mcdonald delivery for breakfast. we ate quite a lot, and had so much fun especially during the match. ate till we couldnt eat anymore then we all went to sleep, except benn who was on his computer playing DotA against AI..lol. i slept on the couch where there were SOOO many mosquitoes hovering around, the incessant buzzing in my ear and the noisy fan cum windmill hanging on the window. slept for 5 mins, then would wake up, and fall asleep again..so the routine continues till 10 when they woke up. benn left at around 6+ to go for windsurfing. supposed toget home before 11, but i compromised with my parents to reach home later.

in the end decided to go home, get a bath and a change of clothes. went back down to church to meet mervin and sarah for a short time of study..and floorball in the evening.

WONDERFUL WONDERFUL EVENING..

went to church to study with lucille. people always accuse me of staying up late, but from how isee it im not the only one rite? even lucille was still awake at 1am la!! talking on msn to decide what time to meet in church..and breakfast. cant remember how the conversation went, but it ended up in me going to her house for breakfast!!

really never expected this day in primary school. for starters we were always at constant loggerheads with each other. and we never had a good impression of one another. kinda strange how our views and opinions changes over the years.

reached her house at 0930h. her parents weren't at home..so loving went out for breakfast together. something i aspire to do after marriage and kids..haha.i kept commenting that her house was super big, and nice not to mention. her room, though kinda cramp, had a toilet, drum set and 2 guitars la!! im so envious, coz she switched room with her parents, so she got the master bedroom with germaine, and their parents got another smaller room..without a toilet. how lucky. anywayz breakfast was nice..egg, bacon, sausage and apple juice (though lacking toast lucille!!). nah just kidding. sat down there for 5 mins deciding who should say grace. in the end we said our own and started eating. and being the typical lucille, she ate so little. and i was really full, so left 1 piece of egg, 1 rasher of bacon and 1 sausage on the table. looked super weird sia..1 of everything. left the house and took a bus down to church.

called yongling down to church. kept saying that she got a surprise for me and lucille. turned out it was a box full of candies. haha especially that big bar of cruchie chocolate. too bad she was sick, cannot eat. especially with me sitting beside her and reminding her not to eat. HAHA. in the end finished by everyone else, than she ate only a bit la. so sad, her present from pastor but never got to eat it.

went to causeway to meet sarah coz she didnt have enough money to get stuff we wanted in church. joanne told me to go by the back since it was a faster way. started running via the back lane...only to find myself so far away from causeway!! 5 mins away la!! felt so stupid, ran back to causeway to meet sarah. we got lunch for them and went back. eddie came down at around 3 and we had a good time of revision, though somewhere along we got distracted and started playing table-tennis. went for dinner with all of them plus benn.

contemplating if we should go to yongling's house to watch the brazil-japan match. talk and talk and talk, yongling's mom agreed to let us stay. then i was pressing sarah to call her parents to see if she could go. another 30 mins passed, sarah plucked up the courage to call her dad and she was given the green light!! in the end left we me to see if MY parents would allow. so scared la. didnt dare to call them to tell them. decided to go home and ask while sarah went off with yongling first and benn went back home to get his stuff first. at home finally decided to ask.

long story cut short, they allowed me to go after such a long time of persuausion..on the way there keep bluffing sarah that my parents didnt allow me to go. she was like super upset la..that girl really cannot distinguish lie from truth..and not to mention sarcasm la..thats what makes her such a nice girl i guess.

oh wells, going down to yongling's house soon. shall blog after the soccer match. IM SO HAPPY!!!

Have You Come To "When" Yet?
"The Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends" (Job 42:10)

A pitiful, sickly, and self-centered kind of prayer and a determined effort and selfish desire to be right with God are never found in the New Testament. The fact that I am trying to be right with God is actualliy a sign that I am rebelling against the atonement by the Cross of Christ. I pray, "Lord, I will purify my heart if You will answer my prayer - I will walk rightly before You if You will help me." But I cannot make myself right with God; I cannot make my life perfect. I can only be right with God if I accept the atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I have to surrender all my rights and demands, and cease from every self-effort. I must leave myself completely alone in His hands, and then I can begin to pour my life out in the priestly work of actual disbelief in atonement. Jesus is not just beginning to save us - He has already saved us completely. It is an accomplished fact, and it is an insult to Him for us to ask Him to do what He has already done.

If you are not now recieving the "hundredfold" which Jesus promised (see Matthew 19:29), and not getting insight into God's Word, then start praying for your friends - enter into the ministry of the inner life. "The Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends." As a saved soul, the real business of your life is intercessory prayer. Whatever circumstances God may place in you, always pray immediately that His atonment may be recognized and fully understood in the lives of others as it has been in yours. Pray for your friends now, and pray for those with whom you come in contact now.

[my upmost for His highest, oswald chmbers] june 20

i've been feeling so happy these few days. just so happy. i cant stop smiling and laughing. it has all been yongling and sarah's happiness and joy rubbing off me. but yet somehow i cant stop feeling a sense of despair and hopelessness. especially after reading your entry. is it really true?

i know we all have our own individual problems. all so busy. all so tired. i know you are only one person, but so am i. as much as you want to change the culture, i want so too. if you are feeling so worn out, what about me? so long i have been trying. inject fun into our youths, create a desire to come to church everytime. but i feel so alone, coz though we all aspire to have the same goal, we may have different processes. and i feel like im walking alone. you have your group of friends to support you. where's mine? the burden is even heavier for me because and made a covenant with God, and even had a specific calling to it.

maybe i shouldnt say so much because the more i do, the more i make matters worse. NO one can truely understand how i feel..

how i just dislike it when i feel that people are always telling me that im too young to do anything. im supported by God, no doubt about that. but it would be nice just to have the support of my friends.

it all starts with prayer. are you ALL willing to walk the road with me?

been so bored at home. nothing much to do. computer, tv..kinda gets boring in a while. and with my ps2 still not repaired..haiz

went to church at 11. arranged on sunday to meet at 8, then change to 10, to 12, finally 1. reached at 12.30, met zeken and did our homework together. sarah and yongling were supposed to arrive at 1, but in the end only came at 1.30!! and they took a taxi from 888!! its like just 5 minutes away la..thats what i mean by im never gonna be early for anything again!! we sat down doing our work, and eating loads of seaweed. slowly people filled the place then we played floorball at 4.

grouped with caleb, michel and beryl. caleb and michel were both attacking down the flanks while i was defending. we won all our starting matches, like 6 or so. after amos' team played against us, we were unable to score and kept losing. mind you i did my part in defending. beryl was the "top scorer" , scoring two own goals. lol..she got so scared of caleb, so she decided not to play and went running.

next floorball session on wednesday. so sad cant make it on time. got dental at 4, so probably reach church at 6?? followed by a boring thursday and another floorball friday, captain's ball on saturday and service on sunday. wanna watch soccer on friday. missed out brazil vs australia yesterday. YONGLING!! I WANNA WATCH!!

yongxiang called just now to ask me out for buffet lunch tml at seoul garden. a part of me wants to go but than again i guess i better not. especially since she's going, i dont want her or me to have to eat in total silence. guess i'll let her enjoy herself and rot away at home..

[Mikh] i didnt intend to put down anybody, just to mention my cares and concern about our youths. its kind of partially my fault too coz i used to be very anti-social. just hoping that we can work towards a better YZ!!

slept at 5. wanted to wake up at 8 to go for the 9am service, but i overslept. guess you would too if you only had 5 hours of sleep. went for 11am service..so anticipating to meet melissa after a long long time, but i never saw her. by the time i came out of service, everyone was in their respective venues. all in different places except the church. went home to get a change of clothing and then popped back in church waiting for floorball. all said they would be back at 2+, in the end became 3+. guess my life's full of waiting and waiting..

*i think im gonna make a resolve never to be early again. coz whenever i am, the rest are ALWAYS (i mean FOREVER) late. no point wasting time in waiting..lol

sat at the playground for an hour plus while waiting. seeing children running up and down, having so much fun. innocence. purity. joy. everything we lost ever since we entered a different world. a world full of everything we dont wanna face. stress. confusion. work. money. complicated.

somethimes its good just to unleash your inner child once in a while. like playing in the playground, or watching kiddie shows. it kinds of relives the memories of childhood. everything we had but lost. sitting down there we screams and shouts. cries and bruises. fathers picking up their children and comforting them. the carefree world of children. i would just like to experience it again. to everyone else, screams and cries are a nuisance. to me, music created by angels God sent into this world.

sitting on that slide and doing daily devotions. today's devotion was in total relevance to whatever i've been going through. it reminded me not to doubt God about anyhting. anytime i feel a calling i should go out and do it, never mind the obstacles coz God will clear it all for us.

We step out right with the recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go. If you are truely recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes His rebuke, "..why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31) Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining the complete reliance on Him.

If you debate even for one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, "Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?" Be reckless immediately - totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything - by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to him. It is only through abandonement of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness - being willing to risk your all

maybe i should just take a step of faith and just do whatever He calls me to. to step back and stop working so hard, watch His plans unravel in time.

waited till like 3+, talking to beryl. everyone seems so upset that their cg split, and its kinda like a norm to split now..to me at least. more waiting before the rest finally came. only had 7 sticks, so we played 3v3. mervin, leonard and me were in one team. modestly putting in, it was ownage. we kinda slaughtered every other group, only losing to leonard's sis team, who in tuen lost to everyone else, who won us, in which we won everyone but lost to them? i guess im not making any sense now. try blogging when you've only 5 hours of sleep in 2 days. changed teams when they found young adults came back with the other sticks. regrouped with mervin, sarah and yongling. lost the first game, won later and lost again. guess im getting better at defending..yipee :D
(note to self: never stand beside yongling or vera after they have scored. someday im gonna become deaf)

had loads of fun. the only pity being eddie didnt join us. playing tml again at 4pm. but not before i have a long run to sembawang and back again at 6 in the morning. and a study-period at 10 in church. followed by floorball at 4pm. im so booked tml, yet so free on tuesday, haiz truth be told i havent really revised much during holidays. DONT intend to still.

[dedicated to the youths in woodlands evangelical free church]

thank you so much for eveything that you guys have done. even within the short time, i feel so welcome and at home. you guys, especially sarah, lucille, yongling and mervin, have really encouraged me alot. i feel so different, i dont know what, somehow i just do. i see how on fire you guys are for God, and i really thank Him for knowing you. constantly praying for eddie to accept Christ. thanks for all you've done!! i really appreciate it..i know it sounds kinda crazy, but i already miss the youths now!! just waiting to get over with tml so i can go to your church on sunday..lol

[dedicated to Youth Zone leaders]

- i dont mean to be critical or anything, but these are just my opinions based on what i see. i know i havent been in youth service for near to 2 months, so i may be wrong in certain aspects. before you start judging me based on what i write, please read through the entire post and give my words some consideration. please forgiving me for making so many comparisons, i just want this type of culture to be adapted into YZ. i know we all as leaders want to see YZ grow as much as each other, but somehow i feel prompted to tell you guys how i feel. i dont want to be that anti-socialist i have been for so long. in what i say, i dont intend to pinpoint anybody. my sole intention is to see YZ grow as a whole, as a close knitted community. -

i know im anti-social to a certain extent, that i admit. i was lost during sec 1 and 2, aimlessly wandering in church without anywhere to go. i didnt want to go to YZ because i felt that i couldnt fit in. i didnt have a proper DG, constantly changing DGL's, before caiyue settled in and gave me bible study. she stabilized me and God prompted me to start opening me up. im really trying to put in effort in becoming more open, rather than inert since last year, and i hope you guys understand that.

one of my biggest problems why i couldnt fit in was because of the cliques in YZ. me and christopher being the only guys in our level, didnt have anyone else to follow and befriend, which explains our situations. cliques were so common that we couldnt find a proper place to fit in. we discuss this problem at every committee meeting, but in my opinion, nothing has yet been resolved. i still see the issue of cliques surfacing in YZ, especially within the committee. how many of us actually interact with other people aside from your clique and DG members? the sec 1's? i am in a way guilty too, but i try to make an effort. being too cliquish, as a result, we share little friendship with the other people in YZ. there is little interaction in between each other, we hardly know whats going on in their lives and how to help them tackle their problem. i feel little love among the YZers, some coming just because they have to come. i mean there is so little fellowship among us. it starts with service, and ends there. what continues afterwards? it merely becomes a routine for them to come to church.

i feel the same way too. in between the 6 weeks i didnt come to church, i would have least expected a call or sms asking about my spiritual well-being. nothing ever came and im really very upset. i recieved an sms from two people..imagine how happy i was, but the disappointment i felt when i realised that they were just comm mtg reminders. i feel as if my presence and existance in church doesnt even matter. how would it have been if it had been someone in your clique? what would be ur immediate reaction if he/she didnt turn up for 2 weeks? the thing i feel is that we dont have a close-knit communtiy in YZ at all. even after YZ when we go for lunch, its always the same gang together, and the rest of the YZers will just make their way home. do we even invite them to join us for lunch? i know announcements are made, but have we tried asking them personally? if we want YZ to grow, we must definitely abolish this mindset of the YZers that youth service is just a weekly routine.

i dont want the new sec 1's to follow the same road i did, being lost in the transaction and all. we're all youths, and being youths in a sense mean fun. instead of a short game followed by message during YZ, can we just have scheduled days just to go out, play some ball, just chill and have fellowship. that in itself is a service too rite? let me just explain the structure in WEFC. after service, the youths break for lunch from 11 to 1. during that 2 hour frame, we have lots of fellowship, catch up what on each other's lives and just have fun. afterwhich we go for service, while waiting another hour before they set the equipment up. we have worship and announcements, followed by games such as floorball, captain's ball and volleyball. the entire thing lasts till around 7, where we depart for dinner together. and thats the programme EVERY sunday. and its not only a few people..its like 80% of their youths. i really want you guys to experience the culture in WEFC, see how if we can incorperate some elements into our programmes. although there is a lot of waiting, i dont mind, because i get to know more people, catch up on their lives.

and that's something that keeps drawing me back. the people and the close-knit community. they keep informing me of when they are playing floorball during the weekdays, and i get constant encouraging sms' from them. i have a free communication with them, something which i wanna have with you guys. when im feeling down, somehow they can sense it and they push me up. thats something i wanna be part of. in YZ it's a different scenario. i really dont feel at home there even though i've been there for years. the only people i find i can talk to is jian horng and lance. no one else. and its a sad reality i face up to every week. i try to do my part, sit with you guys during service, join in for lunch and stuff, but somehow i never feel welcome. and thats the reason why i never wanna bring my friends to YZ coz im scared it will just turn them off. honestly the only happy moments i can recall was last year's camp and the mission trip, nothing else. recently i brought a friend to WEFC, and the thing is he wanted to come back without me having to prompt him. that is the type of environment i want to nurture in YZ.

for people to feel welcome, friends and people that we can communicate to, trust for support. i know it takes time, but can we please see what we can do in that aspect. make people feel welcome and all, share the love of Christ to all around.

[Lance] - im confused on my directions. but if my friend wants to attend church, i will be attending WEFC. somehow i feel as if the passion i had in serving last year has disappeared. i feel so on fire when im in WEFC (they evangelicals like us, not charismatics), but different when im in YZ. a really good fren of mine reminded me to leave it to God, let Him do as He wishes and in time watch His Plans unravel. maybe i really have been trying too hard already. im still praying for directions, i really dont know where the Lord will lead me to. i seriously need prayers, coz i feel so messed up now. i dont know if i should stay or move on. but dont blame me if i ever leave YZ because i will just follow His calling. dont tell me to stay there just because you want it, i want to know where He wants me to be. please please pray for me.

lucille and yuntian, i really thank you gals for such a wonderful time of fellowship. even though i go for dinner with my church youths the feelings just not the same. we have so much to talk about, so much to catch up on, how we are doing in our spiritual lives. it was really a great and affirming time.

[yuntian] WOW..i really got nothing much to say. lucille keeps telling me to admit that you have grown so much prettier. fine, i'lle say that, but not only physically and in terms of looks, but i can see you really radiating and shining. its just like God's Glory is bursting through you!! i really enjoyed today. feel as if we havent talked for decades. seriously, i hope we can meet another day and just sit down to talk.

[lucille] appreciate the fact that you harbour such thoughts when you were younger. i hope they will come true. anywayz i just realized how much we have in common, especially in thinking and idealogy. i dont really object you coming to my church, but i just hope that God can really do something through you, to touch the hearts of the youths there, especially since you are like an "stranger" (but sister in Christ ya). really really glad that you see a need in missions, hope that in future we can sorta work together or something. so happy..now got someone to talk to about such stuff..lol

talking with you gals really set me thinking. well lets start from basics. here's sixteen years worth of thoughts and feelings all crammed inside me. if you care enough to read through, dont complain about it's length. if not, i would really appreciate if you scram. dont mind my manners coz when im serious, i dont accept any rubbish. im just being frank and forward from this point onwards.

im a super complicated guy. for starters im not ur average guy. im much more emotional, so its extremely hard for me to get back on my feet after i've fallen. i dont have good control of my emotions, usually i let them rule over me. i get so affected by them that i act accordingly. i wanna be independent so i usually reject people's help. its extremely hard for me to get over something or someone or what i believe in. im also more sensitive to other people's feelings, so usually i can sense what they are really feeling even if they try to hide it. and i used to be anti-social. i liked my peace and all, forgive me if i ever offended anyone, but im trying to change. while that anti-social part of me is mostly gone, its still in there somewhere, and sometimes it triggers. i find it extremely awkward to open up to new people, especially those im meeting for the very first time. suffered two heartbreaks and still trying to recover from it. wanna let go and just be friends but easier said than done.

dinner opened up my eyes to so many more things i've been missing while i was so engrossed in my own small world. i really miss primary school times and i would really give up anything to just relive the whole experience. the innocence. the fun. the people. all lacking and gone ever since i've moved up to secondary school life. i miss all the people in admiralty, felicia, aziz, shirin, yining, benedict, jason etc. all the innocence and fun we had, making volcanos and race-cars, all the project work, the games during recess, chasing each other. i have never ever appreciated all these, but now its too late. i would give up anything, anything just to relive that experience.

it makes me wonder what happened to the me in primary school. where i have disappeared to. gone and lost forever, with only fragments of memories to show for? replaced by a depressed and anti-social me? isnt that just typical human nature, to cherish something only when we have lost it? so many doubts, so many questions, so little time.

it justs opens my eyes to see how little time we have here on earth. the unpredictability of death, striking any moment like a thief when we least expect it. i feel like i've so many things left undone, people to reach out to in the world, lives to save..especially my own. people to express thanks and gratitude to. things i wanna accomplish for God. a life that radiates His Glory. so many things unfulfiled, only with the comfort that we have victory over death through Christ. is it really fair? that my worthless life is saved by His redeeming blood? that so many other have yet to open the door for the King, heading towards hell?? ever seen faces of children so happy, without knowledge of what beholds after death? i have, and it just pains my heart. what can i do for this people, for God?

physically sick, mentally depleted, emotionally pierced, spiritually exhausted. so many doubts to clear, sometimes faith alone doesnt do the trick.

[physically weak] trying to assume someone whom im not. a good volleyball player. better-toned body. perfectionist. everything im not. i must learn to accept the fact that im not any of those, living up to being a CHILD OF GOD.
[mentally depleted] thoughts running rampage in my minds. so many questions to clarify, so many doubts to clear. where is He when i need him most? where are my friends when i need them most?? i know God's always there for me, in fact He's carrying me in my darkest moments, but somehow i just feel im all alone.
[emotionally pierced] one heart, two deep scars, one of which i've never recovered from. the hope of the future, bleak and despondant. maybe you arent the one im meant for, but somehow i just want it to go my way. i can never let you go. is that what love is all about?? just waiting for that day..in vain. im just so selfish..
[spiritually exhausted] torn in between. not knowing where my directions are. to assume my responsibilites and follow where my heart leads me to? or to save a lost sheep and disregard my DG? my church needs me. i want to bring that revival, the covenant i made with God. it just seems so hard and bleak alone, working towards a goal ALONE. lonely child.

true friends. something which im seriously lacking. for someone to be able to talk to, confide in, share my innermost secrets. where is that person? i dont know. just waiting for that day to come. how i wish i was all grown up. be so much closer to death. good riddance to all the pain and suffering. hello to eternity in praise. death seems to be a luxury i cant reach. something i wanna taste, but yet i cant. to me its that simple. one second of pain, to end a lifetime of suffering. restraints. yet a part of me doesnt want that. to leave without accomplishing what God has put me in this world for. i believe i have a mission to fulfil before i meet my Maker, and i want to do it to the best of my abilities. i wanna glorify God, spread the Good News, and give the gift of eternal life to those who will recieve. i dont care about condemnation or rejection or even persecution. i would die for my faith, go where You lead me to. beacause You died for me.

the closer you are to the light, the greater your shadow becomes. sometimes i wonder why i have to endure so much crap when i cant even handle it..

how much longer can i survive with this life? THIS IS THE REAL ME.

slept at 4. woke up at 2. left home at 3. standard routine of playing floorball today. eddie and lester came over today. they had a fantastic game, forever in the same team. both as proficient, but well, eddie's a born natural. didnt really play very well today; no idea why. won the first game but than we continued on a losing streak. only scored a goal, rather pathetic..but i think i improved on my defense a lot. seems like in every sport i can only play in defense, i suck at offense. volleyball - blocking, soccer - defending, floorball - defending, tennis - defending.

sarah, yongling, lucille and mervin didnt come today. initially ezekiel said he wasnt coming to coz he had school. surprisingly he was there, apparently school ended early. was a bit apprehensive of going today coz the people that i usually interact with were'nt gonna be there, but im glad i went - it opened me up to more people, like caleb. i thought he had something against me, probably my skill or something. but today i saw that i was probably imagining to much, coz i had some time to observe him and it was probably just his character. known much more people and got to more more people better. left at 7 to meet lucille and yuntian for dinner.

haiz, EVERYTIME i come early, the rest are always late. i guess in my life i can never remember a time when im the late one. i guess its a phobia i had since young to be late. always the one waiting. waited for 30 minutes before they arrived. 4 years really makes a huge difference..yuntian had grown so much physically and spiritually. i mean i had never expected this while i was still in primary school. GOSH. met danial on the way to causeway point. he followed us up to jack's place, stayed awhile then left for tuition. we had such an interesting talk, about our live, spiritual lives and some reminiscing about primary school. opened the floodgates for me. somehow i find it so much easier to talk to girls coz it's kinda like they understand more. most guys are usually so insenstive that they dont feel a thing.

just need some space to think about what's been going on in my life. will blog again at 4a.m.

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD - Various Artists


The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God (x2)

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God (x3)

i guess i better get used to sleeping earlier. been sleeping so late/early this few days, especially with school reopening so soon i best get rid of this habit. anywayz gonna play floorbll in 14 hours time!! guess if i can wake up, im gonna down to church earlier to get some work done.

pretty fed up with angelfire. i didnt know about this bandwidth theft, so i uploaded some songs and linked my blog to it. it worked for awhile, after which they banned my account. grr..so hard to find a proper hosting site. makes me wanna get my own personal website, just for all my songs. they are cramming up my computer - 1658 songs, 6.5gb.

had quite a good dinner today. yien came over today coz her dad needed to get something from my dad. stayed here about 3 hours. at first pretty hostile atmosphere, but it was ok later on. we played bridge for the whole 3 hours, with my sis and her bro. rather comical, explaining the game took about 10mins, and they were like just playing to win sets for themselves, so it was rather hard to figure our partners. that aside we had a fun time..playing bridge. lol. kinda made me realise how little we have to talk about, especially regarding church matters and stuff. in our committee meetings we can be talking for 4 hours and still not get the matter resolved, but face-to-face, there seems to be nothing much..

so many things to say, but yet i dont wanna offend or hurt other's feelings. i seriously feel sorry for my youth group right now. juz hoping that one day they will be able to share the same culture in wefc. all the fellowship, the fun..and the love for each other; something which is seriously lacking in our youths. i know it takes time but somehow God doesnt seem evident in all of this. it's just like we are relying on our on strengths to get stuff done, with all the spiritual warfare raging inside and we are so oblivious to it. and further more the problems of cliques, which makes them so inert to the other people. somehow i just feel scared to bring people to my church coz im juz worried the attitudes of our youths will turn them off, and thats something i dont wanna happen. weighing the differences, i do have responsibilites back in church, but if eddie is willing to go for service, i'll sacrifice them for him. better is one lost sheep found then 99 others.

maybe im just feeling so torn in between. hope that dinner with lucille and yuntian might clear some of my doubts and set me on the right path.

been focusing on something unreal and worthless. about time i focus on He who is real and worthy..

im so happy with my new blog!!!

i guess the time now qualifies as a new day. yesterday was fabulous. went to play floorball with wefc at 4. i reached at 3.30, i thought those who had arrived would be playing floorball as they usually do. to my surprise all studying..cannot stand it lor. escape from my house to see more people studying..haha. anywayz i was so happy, coz eddie actually agreed to come and play with us, and he was bringing his friend along!! at least its a stepping stone..praise the Lord!! we were all doing work, ezekiel playing his new song "overjoyed"..that guy is really a talent. he composes his own songs and chords..it really sounds wonderful especially the chorus.

we started off at 4 sharp, forming teams and playing floorball as per normal. today was a bit messed up coz they didnt number the teams, so the match up was a bit funny. nonetheless we all had great fun..i scored 2 goals today!! don't blame my excitement coz i usually cant do that. the second one was fantastic - i managed to steal the ball from caleb (i consider him one of the pros around), there was an open goal and i shot. man, i loved that feeling of scoring..

eddie and lester came at 4.30..was i glad to see the both of them. short intro with lucille, found them a team and went back to play. my team (michel, mervin, ezekiel and me) was unbeatable..2 wins and a draw. quite proud of it. the first game we were trailing 2-0..by some miracle we managed a comeback to win 4-3!! i scored a goal and assisted michel with one..starting to fall in love with the game already..

short snippets of volleyball. eddie's a born natural at sports. he said it was his first time playing and his recieving is almost near perfect. and in floorball he played very well, almost scoring a goal in his first game. mervin joined sam and me in playing volleyball, after that his hands were bruising red and black. ouch, but it happened when i was in sec 1, not used to it i guess. played more volleyball and floorball.

yongling was so upset because her team lost all of their games. first time i ever seen her so downcast, instead of the cheerful one i know. poor girl, trying so hard to cheer her up. dont know what happened in the end, think she's ok now. she and sarah went to work in frankie's cafe. lucille made for me this very beautiful bookmark. im so touched by her..since primary school we weren't really the best of friends, but i guess in the 4 years we never seen each other she's really grown and matured, and i see her on fire for God. its really amazing what He does in our lives, shapes it and moulds it to make it beautiful.

went out for dinner with lucille, eddie, mervin and ezekiel at burger king. had a good time of fellowship and eating, all so hungry except lucille who didnt even finish her burger. went walking around in causeway point. lucille brought us to the 6th level, the one in between the cinema and the arcade. we sat down in a corner, talking and listening to ezekiel sing his self-created songs. at first i felt a little weird, but soon warmed up to it. talked a lot about our lives and stuff then we made our way home.

on msn eddie said he wanted to come again this friday. IM LITERALLY BEAMING FROM EAR TO EAR!! its really amazing how God works in our lives, coz 2 weeks ago eddie was so apprehensive about church and all, but this week he suddenly opened up. i feel as if the taboo is no longer there, and well he seems much more open now. just so amazing. be praying for proper follow-up and eventually that eddie will come to know Christ.

i feel in wefc i've met so many people, the vibrant and close-knitted youth community. that church is starting to grow on me, its somthing i wanna be part of. right now i feel so confused and torn in between, i dont even know my directions. i've met a few people whom i feel are going to play a very important role in my life:

sarah - invited me and my sister to their youth service. its from her that ezekiel and me ever started going for their floorball sessions. a sister truely doing her part for God. extremely sociable and fun-loving.

lucille - made me feel at home in wefc. lots of encouragement from her, especially her recent mission trip and love for eddie. touched by the extremes she will go for her friends and what she believes in.

yongling - cheerful and bubbly. she just haves an aura of comfort and knowing that things will turn out well whenever she's around. never fails to bring joy and laughter wherever she is.

mervin - a brother whom i can easily communicate with me. a pillar of support and encouragement, especially that his mother is not a christian and stuff. sincere and loyal.

eddie - eddie is just an example of how God shapes and moulds us, the wonders and miracles that God can come up with. i just hope that eddie will eventually see the Light and accept Christ. and somehow i sense sadness behind his strong-will face. pray that whatever problems he may be facing or going through, he can always turn to our Father for comfort and help.

we are playing floorball again this friday at 4, after whch im going for dinner with yuntian, lucille and hopefully eddie. can't wait for that day..and holidays to be over. im sooooo bored at home..